More Jeremy Hardy…

Standard

[on phone reception in the countryside] “And there are all these columns appearing by sort of fusty luddites saying that they’re glad, they’re glad you can’t– [in a silly voice] I for one am glad that there are some corners of England unconnected to the world of modern technology. The other day, I was at one of my homes, a cottage that nestles at the foot of the Bodmin Moor, and is blissfully unconnected to mobile reception or broadband. After a morning playing the harpsichord to my [don’t know what he’s saying here], I started to go for a brazing jaunt upon the moor, and stumbled upon a couple in some distress, the kind of urbanites that came unstuck so deservedly in the film ‘Deliverance’, that magnificent celebration of rural life. The female of the species plaintively cried, ‘My husband is having a heart attack, please help us, do you have a mobile phone?’ — no attempt to engage in conversation with me! She merely wanted to engage with the health and safety fanatics of the NHS. ‘No, I do not,” I retorted. ‘I suggest you let nature do its course: the crows and magpies will take care of his eyes, and the rest of him will compost down nicely in the coming months.”
The News Quiz, November 7th, 2014.

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